Query Letter Critique Winner

In celebration of Jessica Subject's one year blog anniversary the Critique Sisters participated in her massive giveaway and offered up a query letter critique. Thank you to everyone who celebrated with us and stopped by Jessica's blog. She is an amazing, giving person that is always the first in line to help someone else. It was an honor to be able to give a little back to her.

The winner of the Critique Sisters query letter critique is...

Amie Kaufman!

Congratulations to Amie! I'm happy to report that when I contacted Amie she said the timing couldn't be better for her as she is getting ready to start querying next week. I love it when a giveaway comes together like that. For those who didn't win don't worry, we'll be doing another query letter critique very soon. This time a drawing perhaps... So if you are getting ready to query be sure to check back next week, we'd love to help you polish that pitch up!

My Query Letter Critiqued

Thank you everyone for all the great feedback on my query letter. Here is the revised version:

Dear   ,

My young adult historical fantasy To Ride A Púca is complete at approximately 89,000 words. Those who enjoyed The Vespertine by Saundra Mitchell and Mistwood by Leah Cypess will enjoy this as well.

During the twelfth century invasion of Ireland, Emily, one of the last of the druids, must master her power to keep her kind from being annihilated.

Her parents lied to her. They told her a druid's power was only to heal people and that hers was defective. They also said her family was the last of their kind. An accident introduces Emily to Bren and an entire clan of other druids. She learns there are two kinds of druids, those that heal, and those that can use their power to fight. Turns out her power isn't so useless after all. But Emily doesn't have much time to master it before the invaders from across the ocean arrive. A betrayal brings them to her front door and Emily's mother is given a week to heal the son of the warlord or they'll return to slaughter her entire clan. In the end she will have to choose between fighting to keep her country or keeping those she loves alive. 

I regularly attend conferences, workshops, and retreats to improve my craft and network. My online presence is strong and active. I am mentored by (Cut out to protect the names of the innocent. ;)

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Heather McCorkle

Email
Phone#

Need help on your own query letter? Well great news, we’ll be paying it back soon! We’re going to be offering up a query letter critique to one of you! Keep an eye out for the call for query letters. If all goes well we’ll make it a reoccurring theme so we can pay it forward and help you!

Query Letter Critiquing

Many of us don't think about critiquing and editing our query letters as much as we do our novels, but we should. Not editing your query letter is like getting ready for work in the pre-dawn without the bathroom light on. Not that I've done that, much. You only get one chance to make a first impression and how much time you take on it will show. To help you with how to critique query letters I am posting my own and opening it up to constructive feedback. My critique sisters will be commenting and you are welcome to as well. I shall take the feedback, rewrite the query letter, and post the revision next Wednesday to show you the evolution process. Here is the rough version:

Dear    ,

Personal greeting as to why I chose to query this particular agent, I'm confident (don't say please, don't apologize, they want you to be confident) you'll enjoy my young adult historical fantasy To Ride A Púca. It is complete at approximately 89,000 words. Those who enjoyed The Vespertine by Saundra Mitchell and Mistwood by Leah Cypess will enjoy this as well. (Some agents like this at the beginning and some like it at the end. You can never tell which so I say choose where you like to put it!)

During the twelfth century invasion of Ireland, Emily, one of the last of the druids, must master her power to keep her kind from being annihilated. (Every manuscript needs a one-sentence pitch or logline. This is a good place for it in your query).

Her parents lied to her. They told her a druid's power was only to heal people and that hers was defective. They also said her family was the last of their kind. An accident introduces Emily to Bren and an entire clan of other druids. From Bren she learns there are two kinds of druids, those that heal, and those that can use their power to fight. Turns out her power isn't so useless after all. But Emily doesn't have much time to master it before the invaders from across the ocean arrive. A betrayal brings them to her front door in search of a healer for their wounded. Emily's mother is given a week to heal the son of the warlord or they'll return to slaughter her entire clan. The lines of enemies and friends blurs and in the end she will have to choose between her country and keeping those she loves alive. (This feels a bit long but I'm not sure what to keep and what to cut). 

I regularly attend conferences, workshops, and retreats to improve my craft and network. I am part of a critique group that exchanges material regularly. My online presence is strong and active. I am mentored by (Cut out to protect the names of the innocent. ;) If you have awards, publishing credits or the like, this is where to put them in. I do not as of yet.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Heather McCorkle

Email
Phone#

Feel free to copy and paste into the comments with your editing suggestions, or just list your suggestions. I'll try to put up a copy of my Critique Sisters edits for you to see.

~Heather