The Power Of A Critique

For some of you this post may look familiar. But for those who didn't follow the Critique Sisters in our prior incarnation, I felt this post was important enough to post here. 

Depending upon how it's worded, a critique can lift an author up and show them a better way or it can destroy their confidence and make them question their ability. If you've ever been part of a critique group you've probably experienced one or the other, maybe even both. To improve you must be able to take criticism but there is good criticism and there is bad. You need to be able to identify which kind of criticism you're receiving so you know how to process it.

Destructive criticism is that which points out the problem in a manner that demeans or dismisses the work or author. You can still learn from this type of criticism but it's difficult. Destructive criticism makes a writer feel defensive. If you're faced with this type say very little and take notes so you can look back over them later when you aren't under fire. Clarifying questions are fine but don't defend your work, you don't need to. You have nothing to prove to this person and you might feel different after you cool down and read what they said.

Good criticism isn't a contradiction of terms no matter how much it sounds like it, it is constructive criticism. Think of it this way. If you see a problem and just point it out that isn't very constructive. But if you see a problem, point it out, and offer a solution that is constructive. However, this can still come across as harsh. It's all in the delivery. The best way to start with any criticism is to point out what you liked, or what does work. Once you've done this the writer is more open to receiving criticism because they aren't on the defensive. Then you can point out what didn't work or make sense and suggest a solution that might help.

Destroy, or empower, which will you do?

~Heather

Helping Libraries In Need

Though hurricane Irene was more bark than bite for most, it unfortunately didn't leave everyone in the hub of the literary world unscathed. A massive amount of rain caused flooding that came so fast it didn't give many a chance to prepare. Among those affected was a small town library that sadly lost most of it's children's and young adult books. Author Kate Messner brought this story to light after a recent trip through the area. Please click here to read her story.

It is a terribly sad sight the Kate drove upon in this small town. Books were piled high on the lawn of the library, the majority of them too wet to save. The children's book inventory was almost entirely ruined because they were on the bottom shelf where the children could reach them.

As an author and a book lover I couldn't sit by and do nothing. Chances are this isn't the only library whose inventory has been devastated, but it is the one for which I first heard the call for help so I'm answering. I've already donated a copy of my young adult novel The Secret of Spruce Knoll and I'm going through my book collection to see what else I can give. If you would like to help check out Kate's post. If you know of any other libraries that have been impacted by this incident, or are in need for whatever reason, feel free to leave a comment.

Also, don't forget to stop by Linda's post and throw your name in for our first paragraph critiques! It can be anonymous if you like and no worries, our site is copy protected so no one can right click and copy your work.


~Heather

First Sentences Final Critiques

Thank you to the talented ladies who offered up their sentences and to everyone who took part in helping with the critiques in the comments section. Now it's the critique sisters' turn. Here we go:

Sentence #1

Author: Joy N. Hensley 

First sentence: Maybe if I was wearing something that said "My dad just died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt," people would know to let me bypass all the lines and just go on my merry way. 

Karlene: Sentence 1. Joy, I love the attitude and feel it in the character. But, I agree maybe a bit too long. I like what you're doing here. What if... Maybe life would be different if I was wearing "My dad just died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt," across my chest.  

Heather: Joy,  your character sounds fun, sad, and a bit snarky, which I love. Immediately I get a good sense of her. However, she also sounds like she's in a really selfish place. If that's what you were going for great, but it didn't make me feel sympathetic to her like I wanted to. Don't worry though, I think it's an easy fix and you have a great start. Perhaps you could show her frustration, maybe even tears (that would make me very sympathetic), let us see the lines, the area, and feel her frustration then come in with this sentence.

Linda: It's tough to critique this sentence because I have a strong feeling that the next few sentences are going to provide context to the voice that we don't have here. From the intro the writer gave us, I'm guessing the protag is angry, rather than sarcastic, but either way you can't tell from this one sentence, and the word 'merry' particularly seems harsh, given the circumstances. If I'm right, and anger is our way into a strong protagonist dealing with a very difficult situation the best way she can, then I'm interested in her, and I think the sentence is effective. If she's being sarcastic and self-centered, that's a different story. I'd definitely read the next couple of paragraphs to find out.

                                                                     Sentence #2 

Author: Grechen  

First sentence: I shift uneasily on the old wooden bench, waiting for the sunrise to give me back a sense of color. Karlene: Sentence 2. Gretchen I love this. I'm hooked. 

Heather: I love it too! This is a great first sentence. It could be tightened up just a touch better by dropping the adverb 'uneasily'. To read: "I shift on the uneven slats of the old wooden bench, waiting for the sunrise to give me back a sense of color." This uses the environment (the bench) to show her unease. Make us feel the unease instead of telling us about it.

Linda: Strong sentence. I have a clear picture of the speaker having spent the night on a bench, probably outdoors. I'm aware of the speaker's emotional discomfort. The sensibility that puts getting back a sense of color top of mind in this situation is one that I'm interested in reading about. Nice job!  If you want to make it clear in this first sentence that the speaker is outdoors, you could add another sensory detail, like a cold breeze, or grass beneath her feet ,or the scent of the air, etc. One cautionary note: first person present tense is seriously hard to pull off in a novel-length story. It can grind down the reader's interest quickly if the writing's not topnotch throughout, because it is so limiting. Hunger Games aside, it's not for the feint of heart if you're not an experienced writer.

                                                                     Sentence #3

Author: Dora Dee 
First sentence: (in italics)Why were her mother and sister doing laundry today of all days, the last day of St. Rocco's Feast? Sunday mornings were always loud and noisy at her house. She hadn't heard Grazia's high-pitched voice insistently asked her mother's opinion on what to where to church while desperately rummaging through their meager downstairs closet and her brothers were fighting over the bathroom like they usually did. 

Karlene: Sentence 3. Dora, I love everything "after" the first sentence (fixing the grammar). 

Remember, the first line should leave a question, not necessarily be a question. What if the first sentence said something like ... Julia couldn't believe her mother and sister were doing laundry, today of all days. Thank you ladies for your examples. They were great! I'm looking forward to reading your books!

Heather: This concept sounds really interesting and I think you have some great characters here. I'd move the first sentence to the end of the first paragraph. Show us instead of tell us, then have your character come in with that thought. I agree with Karlene's fix. Then you could follow up with showing us the commotion of Sunday morning, the boys fighting over the bathroom, and Grazia asking her mother's opinion (be careful here though. If she doesn't hear it then you can't tell us it happened if we're in her point of view.) You have a great start! 

Linda: The strength in this first sentence is in the implication that things are not being done as usual in the household, and if you can expand on the reason that that is significant, you will strengthen the sentence a lot (does it raise serious suspicions in the protag because of something she knows? would her mother never do such a thing without a dire reason? etc). I'd leave St. Rocco's Feast out of the first sentence altogether. You can add that in somewhere in the next few sentences to emphasize the significance of the change in household routine. Italy in the 1950s is interesting. Given a good story, I'd definitely read about that.

First Sentences For Critique

Three wonderful, brave ladies have offered up their first sentences for critique. Since you peeps are so awesome I know I don't need to remind you that we want constructive criticism only. Honesty is a necessity of course, but sprinkling a bit of what you liked about it in there makes the advice go down better. Please leave comments on any one you wish but lets be sure to spread the helpfulness around if you see on that isn't getting comments. Here they are in no particular order:

 

Sentence #1

Author: Joy N. Hensley

Short description: GEMMA-UP OVER YA about a girl who goes to Australia to hike after her dad dies and finds out the mom she thought was her mom isn't at all. Her mom is Australian and her dad was going to introduce them when they hiked. 

First sentence: Maybe if I was wearing something that said "My dad just died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt," people would know to let me bypass all the lines and just go on my merry way. 

 

Sentence #2

Author: Grechen

Short description: FOXTROT is a novel about a girl who's name is no longer her own. She must decide whether to give up her old identity in order to maintain her government mandated life or hold onto the shreds that are left of her old life.

First sentence: I shift uneasily on the old wooden bench, waiting for the sunrise to give me back a sense of color. 

 

Sentence #3

Author: Dora Dee 

Short description: The main protagonist is a nine year old girl. My novel takes place in Italy during the late 1950's. 

First sentence: (in italics)Why were her mother and sister doing laundry today of all days, the last day of St. Rocco's Feast? 

Sunday mornings were always loud and noisy at her house. She hadn't heard Grazia's high-pitched voice insistently asked her mother's opinion on what to where to church while desperately rummaging through their meager downstairs closet and her brothers were fighting over the bathroom like they usually did. 

Thank you in advance to everyone who helps out and leaves a comment. In the meantime, the critique sisters will work on these and we'll post our results next Wednesday. Let the comments commence!

 

~Heather

First Sentence Critiques

Summer is winding down which means the publishing world will soon be returning to their desks, reading those queries, partials, or fulls, and responding. If you're getting ready to go out on submission or are already out and waiting for a response then you need to make sure you're ready. An outstanding first sentence is a must, followed by an outstanding first paragraph, followed by an outstanding first page, you get the picture. But it all starts with that first sentence. What you learn by developing it, you can apply to your entire manuscript.

We at the critique sisters would like to live up to our name and help you critique your first sentence until it is outstanding. So what makes an outstanding first sentence? It must hook the reader's attention and then reel them in, getting them to read on. An extra set of experienced eyes is invaluable, and that's what we want to be for you.

We'd love to help everyone, and hopefully eventually we can, but for now we'll start with the first three people who would like help with their first sentence. Leave us a comment letting us know you'd like help, include a little about your novel (one sentence or two at most, it doesn't have to be pretty) and then leave your first sentence as well. Next Wednesday I'll post the first three sentences and open it up for feedback from our readers (constructive criticism only please). The Wednesday after that I'll post the three sentences with feedback from each critique sister.

~Heather

Wonderful Writer's Workshop

With time and money in short supply it can be difficult to afford going to a writer's workshop so when I find one that is really worth it I love spotlighting it. Last week I attended the Oregon Coast Children's Book Writer Workshop and was very pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Of course, choosing a workshop all has to do with where you are at in your work and what you're looking to achieve. The OCCBWW was a hands on learning experience full of informative lectures and one-on-one consultations with instructors. It was not a place to pitch, find an agent, or an editor, though there definitely were some excellent ones in attendance.

Instead, OCCBWW was a relaxed atmosphere that invited writers to open up and share their work, get feedback, and learn from the lectures. Every day we had a personal consultation with one of the instructors. This could either be with an author, an editor, or an agent. Prior to the consultation the person we were meeting with read our first five pages, then during the consultation they gave us feedback on it. Each day presented a new opportunity with a new instructor. My consultations were with agent Michelle Andelman and author Pamela Smith Hill (Michelle twice during the week, and Pamela three times).

My work wasn't right for Michelle but regardless, she gave me amazing feedback that helped me better my writing and steered me in the right direction. The fact that she wasn't the agent for me wasn't a bad thing. This made our talks very relaxed and allowed us the chance to interact, maximizing the learning experience. She was encouraging about the agent whom I have a full of the manuscript out to (saying she'd be great for the work) and even steered me in the right direction toward an editor (who was in attendance at the workshop). I'm waiting on that though since I have a full out and want the chance to edit if that agent takes me on, before an editor sees it. The other three days I met with author Pamela Smith Hill and it was a match made in heaven. Her knowledge of YA historical transformed my outlook and my writing. 

If you're looking for a workshop that will give you maximum feedback on improving and polishing your work, then this is definitely the one for you. And who knows, you just might make that connection with an agent or editor in attendance. I'm curious, what are some of your favorite workshops or retreats, and why?

~Heather

My Query Letter Critiqued

Thank you everyone for all the great feedback on my query letter. Here is the revised version:

Dear   ,

My young adult historical fantasy To Ride A Púca is complete at approximately 89,000 words. Those who enjoyed The Vespertine by Saundra Mitchell and Mistwood by Leah Cypess will enjoy this as well.

During the twelfth century invasion of Ireland, Emily, one of the last of the druids, must master her power to keep her kind from being annihilated.

Her parents lied to her. They told her a druid's power was only to heal people and that hers was defective. They also said her family was the last of their kind. An accident introduces Emily to Bren and an entire clan of other druids. She learns there are two kinds of druids, those that heal, and those that can use their power to fight. Turns out her power isn't so useless after all. But Emily doesn't have much time to master it before the invaders from across the ocean arrive. A betrayal brings them to her front door and Emily's mother is given a week to heal the son of the warlord or they'll return to slaughter her entire clan. In the end she will have to choose between fighting to keep her country or keeping those she loves alive. 

I regularly attend conferences, workshops, and retreats to improve my craft and network. My online presence is strong and active. I am mentored by (Cut out to protect the names of the innocent. ;)

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Heather McCorkle

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Need help on your own query letter? Well great news, we’ll be paying it back soon! We’re going to be offering up a query letter critique to one of you! Keep an eye out for the call for query letters. If all goes well we’ll make it a reoccurring theme so we can pay it forward and help you!