Wednesday, April 20, 2011

My Query Letter Critiqued

Thank you everyone for all the great feedback on my query letter. Here is the revised version:

Dear   ,

My young adult historical fantasy To Ride A Púca is complete at approximately 89,000 words. Those who enjoyed The Vespertine by Saundra Mitchell and Mistwood by Leah Cypess will enjoy this as well.

During the twelfth century invasion of Ireland, Emily, one of the last of the druids, must master her power to keep her kind from being annihilated.

Her parents lied to her. They told her a druid's power was only to heal people and that hers was defective. They also said her family was the last of their kind. An accident introduces Emily to Bren and an entire clan of other druids. She learns there are two kinds of druids, those that heal, and those that can use their power to fight. Turns out her power isn't so useless after all. But Emily doesn't have much time to master it before the invaders from across the ocean arrive. A betrayal brings them to her front door and Emily's mother is given a week to heal the son of the warlord or they'll return to slaughter her entire clan. In the end she will have to choose between fighting to keep her country or keeping those she loves alive. 

I regularly attend conferences, workshops, and retreats to improve my craft and network. My online presence is strong and active. I am mentored by (Cut out to protect the names of the innocent. ;)

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.


Heather McCorkle

Need help on your own query letter? Well great news, we’ll be paying it back soon! We’re going to be offering up a query letter critique to one of you! Keep an eye out for the call for query letters. If all goes well we’ll make it a reoccurring theme so we can pay it forward and help you!


  1. Oh yeah,I remember your pitch from your blog. I love it and now I can't wait to read it!! Way to go Heather!

  2. I agree with Saba! I know it'll be just as awesome as 'The Secret of Spruce Knoll'

    Keep writing!

  3. HI, Heather,

    It looks like a solid query. Good luck in the trenches....

  4. Saba, thank you! I'm glad you like it!

    Fida, thank you so much! You're both so sweet!

    Michael, thanks, I'm going to need it!

  5. Excellent query Heather! This is a fantastic opportunity for anyone to help tighten their query. We all could use some help. Thank you so much for sharing the before and the after. Excellent!!!

  6. Clear, succinct, hits the high points for why the agent would be a good fit as well as for the story itself. Bee-utiful! Now that I've had the privilege of not only seeing your query, but hearing the first few chapters of To Ride a Puca over the weekend, I can hardly wait for you to debut with this powerful, transporting novel.

  7. There seem to be a lot of elements to this novel (historical, fantasy, adventure, war...) - good job taking it down to one paragraph.