Monday, September 12, 2011

First Paragraphs for Critique

Some great women sent us their first paragraphs for our critique feature this month (no men this month or last . . . hmmm, c'mon guys, we don't bite!). I've run the names through Random.org to select two for critique, shown below.

Please join us in providing these authors with your insights and thoughts about their opening paragraphs in the comments section (constructive crits only, please). We all love getting the kind of feedback we can use to hone our work for publication, so honesty is essential, and so is identifying what is working well, in addition to areas for improvement. Thanks in advance to everyone who comments with their thoughts–feel free to critique one or both entries, but if you see that someone hasn't received critiques yet, it would be great if you would provide one there.



first paragraph 1
Author: Lyn Wash  
Story Description: YA medieval fantasy. I follow the perspectives of three characters, one of whom will later be accused of witchcraft.

First ParagraphFrom the cottage doorway, she looked like a doll left on the bed: small and fragile. Even the hill of the child she carried seemed dwarfed by the faded patchwork quilt.




first paragraph 2
Author: Myne Whitman   
Story Description: My book is a romance where a 30years old lady vacationing in Nigeria from the US is seduced by the local hottie.


First Paragraph: “Dunni, when are we going to come and cook for your wedding?” In the dull light of dawn, Dunni glanced at the inquisitive eyes of the woman slicing onions beside her mother and looked away.



Each of the critique sisters will work on her comments for both paragraphs this week, too, and I'll post them here next Monday.


If your paragraph didn't get chosen this time, please try again next time. We do this feature with manuscripts' key paragraphs or sentences each month, and may be doing first pages and queries soon, as well.

~Linda

18 comments:

  1. Great paragraphs Ladies! Thank you for hosting this Linda. I'm looking forward to working on my critique for next week. And, hearing what everyone has to say, too.

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  2. Very interesting paragraphs! I will be anxious to see what you ladies have to say about them. :D

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  3. They are interesting aren't they, Lisa? I'm enjoying this chance to work on them a lot.

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  4. Nice visual I got from #1, and makes me curious to read more.

    There's definite tention in #2. What is going on here?

    Can't wait to see what you guys think of them!

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  5. Thank you for the comments, Lorelei, I know the authors will appreciate them.

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  6. I look forward to seeing the critiques!

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  7. Thanks Lydia. Look for us next week!

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  8. I really like this idea. It's more about first lines, yes? And both these first lines are really great. And I particularly love books that start with onions. (I'm a Peer Gynt fan).

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  9. Thanks Christa. This one is actually first paragraphs, but these two samples happen to be short. (We did have one submission that was a one-sentence paragraph, which was also great.) Thanks for dropping in!

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  10. Hi Linda! I just wanted to say thanks again for coming by my blog, I'm so glad to have found your "Corner" here!

    I enjoyed all three of these openings, great work, ladies! I'm also looking forward to the critiques.

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  11. Thanks for stopping by, Julie, and for your nice comment on the opening paragraphs. See you at your blog, and welcome to CSC!

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  12. What a great place to receive feedback.

    Fellow campaigner stopping by to say hi. :)

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  13. I'm looking forward to the critiques!

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  14. Me too, Lyn. I'm intrigued by your opener, and interested to see what Karlene and Heather say, too.

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  15. Linda, I think both first paragraphs are intriguing. Both Lyn and Myne did wonderful jobs! This is a great idea!

    P.S. I have a blog award for you over on my site:)

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  16. Thanks so much, Lady Gwen! I'll hop right over there!

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