Monday, February 7, 2011

First Line Contest Again

Hi everyone,

I'm adding a third post to Linda's.   She came across a fabulous contest. Check it out on Brenda Drake's blog: http://brenleedrake.blogspot.com/2011/01/blogfest-contest-with-prizes-from-agent.html?showComment=1296072757571#c4089240962108017595

Here's my entry:

Name:  Karlene Petitt
Title:    Flight For Control
Genre:  Thriller

The storm raging outside the cockpit window reflected the nightmare Sandra called her career.

I, too, would love your comments, thanks!

~ Karlene
Posted by at

14 comments:

  1. AnonymousFebruary 7, 2011 at 8:40 PM

    This is subtle, yet drops a MASSIVE amount of clues as to what's coming.

    With one line the reader is able to glean her name, location, the weather, and what's currently going on with her career.

    Nicely done!

    Christi Corbett

    ReplyDelete
  2. MyneFebruary 7, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    I love using immediately connecting the physicality with the psychology of the MC. And that had good imagery and description too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Michael Di GesuFebruary 7, 2011 at 9:42 PM

    Excellent Karlene! Very exciting!


    Michael.....

    I'm in the contest too... hop over and visit. I'd love to see you. I have a great tribute to moms posted today.

    Michael

    ReplyDelete
  4. SM JohnstonFebruary 8, 2011 at 4:19 AM

    I really did like the sentence, but I'm not sure if it could be improved. I really liked what I read there and I would want to read more before making a call.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Karlene PetittFebruary 8, 2011 at 8:18 AM

    Wow! Thank you all for the great comments!!! You gave me so much hope.

    This is the first line of my novel I've just submitted.

    I'm thinking SM, Michael, Myne, and Christi that I want to hire you all for my PR agents. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Linda GrayFebruary 8, 2011 at 8:26 AM

    You know I love this opening, Karlene. Drama, intrigue, weather mirroring inner turmoil. Great sentence!

    ReplyDelete
  7. PortiaFebruary 8, 2011 at 9:04 AM

    I'd agree with the others that this first line has a strong sense of drama. Also you've immediately identified your MC and her state of mind. I'd love to see what happens next. Good luck!

    Portia

    ReplyDelete
  8. HeatherFebruary 8, 2011 at 9:31 AM

    This is a powerful first sentence Karlene. It makes me really want to read more! Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  9. NicoleFebruary 8, 2011 at 10:30 AM

    I like the way it gives a sense of setting, but there are some alternatives you could consider. Maybe something like, "The storm pounding outside the cockpit window raged like the tumultuous wreck of Sandra's career." I dunno, just playing around ...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Tanya ReimerFebruary 8, 2011 at 11:29 AM

    Nice job.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Loralie HallFebruary 8, 2011 at 1:10 PM

    I love this. I don't have any suggestions because the sentence paints a vivid picture and tells me so much. Great job and I'm dying to know what comes next.

    ReplyDelete
  12. DustinFebruary 8, 2011 at 4:49 PM

    Nice work. I did stumble a bit on "reflected the nightmare" but I'm really over thinking things here. Looking through a window seems like it would reflect things inside the cockpit, not outside. See, over thinking things.

    Overall, very nice work and would love to read more.

    ReplyDelete
  13. erica and christyFebruary 8, 2011 at 7:16 PM

    This sentence already makes me feel for the character (1-will the plane crash? 2-what, besides terrible flying weather, is wrong with the poor girl's career?). Yes, I'd want to find out what is going on in her life and read on! Christy

    ReplyDelete
  14. Shannon DuffyFebruary 9, 2011 at 9:00 AM

    I love it! I really like how the weather outside reveals how the character feels on the inside. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)