First Paragraphs for Critique

Some great women sent us their first paragraphs for our critique feature this month (no men this month or last . . . hmmm, c'mon guys, we don't bite!). I've run the names through Random.org to select two for critique, shown below.

Please join us in providing these authors with your insights and thoughts about their opening paragraphs in the comments section (constructive crits only, please). We all love getting the kind of feedback we can use to hone our work for publication, so honesty is essential, and so is identifying what is working well, in addition to areas for improvement. Thanks in advance to everyone who comments with their thoughts–feel free to critique one or both entries, but if you see that someone hasn't received critiques yet, it would be great if you would provide one there.

first paragraph 1

Author: Lyn Wash  

Story Description: YA medieval fantasy. I follow the perspectives of three characters, one of whom will later be accused of witchcraft.

First Paragraph: From the cottage doorway, she looked like a doll left on the bed: small and fragile. Even the hill of the child she carried seemed dwarfed by the faded patchwork quilt.

first paragraph 2

Author: Myne Whitman   

Story Description: My book is a romance where a 30years old lady vacationing in Nigeria from the US is seduced by the local hottie.


First Paragraph: “Dunni, when are we going to come and cook for your wedding?” In the dull light of dawn, Dunni glanced at the inquisitive eyes of the woman slicing onions beside her mother and looked away.

Each of the critique sisters will work on her comments for both paragraphs this week, too, and I'll post them here next Monday.


If your paragraph didn't get chosen this time, please try again next time. We do this feature with manuscripts' key paragraphs or sentences each month, and may be doing first pages and queries soon, as well.

~Linda