Summer is winding down which means the publishing world will soon be returning to their desks, reading those queries, partials, or fulls, and responding. If you're getting ready to go out on submission or are already out and waiting for a response then you need to make sure you're ready. An outstanding first sentence is a must, followed by an outstanding first paragraph, followed by an outstanding first page, you get the picture. But it all starts with that first sentence. What you learn by developing it, you can apply to your entire manuscript.
We at the critique sisters would like to live up to our name and help you critique your first sentence until it is outstanding. So what makes an outstanding first sentence? It must hook the reader's attention and then reel them in, getting them to read on. An extra set of experienced eyes is invaluable, and that's what we want to be for you.
We'd love to help everyone, and hopefully eventually we can, but for now we'll start with the first three people who would like help with their first sentence. Leave us a comment letting us know you'd like help, include a little about your novel (one sentence or two at most, it doesn't have to be pretty) and then leave your first sentence as well. Next Wednesday I'll post the first three sentences and open it up for feedback from our readers (constructive criticism only please). The Wednesday after that I'll post the three sentences with feedback from each critique sister.
Oh, yes please! GEMMA UP-OVER is a YA about a girl who goes to Australia to hike after her dad dies and finds out the mom she thought was her mom isn't at all. Her mom is Australian and her dad was going to introduce them when they hiked!
ReplyDeleteFirst sentence:
Maybe if I was wearing something that said “My dad just died and all I got was this lousy T-shirt” people would know to let me bypass all the lines and just go on my merry way.
I'm game. Foxtrot is a novel about a girl who's name is no longer her own. She must decide whether to give up her old identity in order to maintain her government mandated life or hold on the shreds that are left of her old life.
ReplyDeleteFirst sentence: I shift uneasily on the old wooden bench, waiting for the sunrise to give me back a sense of color.
Yes me too! Would love feedback. The main protagonist is a nine year old girl. My novel takes place in Italy during the late 50's.
ReplyDeleteWhy were her mother and sister doing laundry today of all days, the last day of St. Rocco's feast? (In italics)
Sunday mornings were always loud and noisy at her house. She hadn't heard Grazia's high-pitched voice insistently asked her mother's opinion on what to wear to church while desperately rummaging through their meager downstairs closet and her brothers weren't fightng over the bathroom like they usually did.
A I also have a short story
"What should he do? Pete kneeled next to the badly injured motorcyclist, trying to remember what he was taught during the first-aid course he took so long ago, when his daughter was just born.
Apologies. I'm using my blackberry which makes my entering comments very trecherous. I didnt notice you specifically asked for novel openings and not short stories but once I entered it I could delete it amd I didn't want to lose my place in line. Thanks in advance!
ReplyDeleteGreat idea. I don't have anything I need help with, but I'll try to come back and lend a hand.
ReplyDeleteI'm away from my laptop so can't post now, but it's such a great idea!
ReplyDeleteLadies you truly are inspiring. A wonderful idea. Good luck you three.
ReplyDeleteLove this idea, Heather, and I look forward to helping. People in the blogosphere are fabulous at this, and have certainly helped me with first lines and first pages. This will be fun.
ReplyDeleteFantastic, we've got our three from Joy, Dora, and Grechen! Thank you for participating ladies. I'll post your sentences next Wednesday and invite reader feedback while the critique sisters work on them.
ReplyDeleteJoy, Dora and Grechen... Thank you for participating! And Heather, I'm looking forward to joining in the discussion.
ReplyDeleteMichael thanks for your good wishes and as for you three critique sisters...you may just be our Fairy Godmothers! Thanks for being sooo kind.
ReplyDelete