tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post50789849812753552..comments2024-03-12T05:11:42.096-07:00Comments on Write of Passage: Last Line of the Chapter CritiquesLinda Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00464543671077860561noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-74871654913379463812011-10-13T22:26:00.236-07:002011-10-13T22:26:00.236-07:00Wow... GREAT examples. Friday I will select three ...Wow... GREAT examples. Friday I will select three via Random.org and then you can comment. Thank you everyone for the great examples.Karlene Petitthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17910702587514001827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-37719441579475262362011-10-11T12:32:36.539-07:002011-10-11T12:32:36.539-07:00Set up: A Young Adult Dystopian where the main cha...Set up: A Young Adult Dystopian where the main character, Justin, has to fight immortal overlords to save his sister.<br /><br />End of chapter: Crouching, I scanned the alley, then raced into the dark.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-52551033172866874362011-10-11T02:27:52.919-07:002011-10-11T02:27:52.919-07:00Anna told me about this via twitter!
(Dean's ...Anna told me about this via twitter!<br /><br />(Dean's senior year starts with a school bus ride, sitting with the unusual Brahms twins. Val drops a card with an image of a broken tower, and he asks what it means.) <br /><br /> Val took the tarot card and stuck it back into her purse with the others. She grinned at me, a fox’s smile with too many teeth.<br /> “Utter chaos.”Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-42049132119193049462011-10-10T20:46:41.649-07:002011-10-10T20:46:41.649-07:00Found this on a retweet from twitter!
Set up: YA ...Found this on a retweet from twitter!<br /><br />Set up: YA Contemporary. Ruby, 18, is a fangirl in a certain graphic novel fandom. She and a friend post an amateur video on their website that goes viral. Ruby has just watched the video (again) after learning the success of the film.<br /><br />Last line: A shift has taken place and if I’m ready or not, that fan video represents the nine minutes and thirty-eight seconds that changed my life.angelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11007118172898489347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-55726163266320583342011-10-10T15:59:27.136-07:002011-10-10T15:59:27.136-07:00Some great examples!
Allison - you might want to...Some great examples! <br /><br />Allison - you might want to give the groom a name. He sounds familiar with Taniya and the way you've written it here sounds distant, and that would distract me as a reader. But this ending definitely keeps things moving.<br /><br />Carrieann - very evocative. You've chosen a challenging PoV style, but I'm definitely interested.<br /><br />Lorelei - Very cute. Always good to end a chapter with a touch of humor!Elaine Lowehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03175127459100965724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-79186566545557176462011-10-10T14:50:23.169-07:002011-10-10T14:50:23.169-07:00I tried posting this last Friday. See if it will g...I tried posting this last Friday. See if it will go through today...<br /><br />SET UP: This is Urban Fantasy, the 3rd book in series. Sabrina has walked out of marriage cerimony to Vasyl, (vampire) and they have a little discussion when he comes to her house. He makes her realize that she isn't quite over her last love--who died--and that she needs to get over him, so he's going to give her time to mend.<br /><br />Then, her brother comes to the door,(Vasyl vanishes), and announces that their cousin has gone missing. Sabrina wants to help out and asks him to take her where she was last seen. She has to change, of course, because she's still in a wedding gown. Her brother wouldn't know anything about her becoming a bride to a vampire. None of her relatives knows about her secret life. <br /><br />So he asks her "What's with the wedding gown?"<br /><br />"Uh, just trying it on for size." {last line of the first chapter)Lorelei Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03294047277447613989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-77160002661776836852011-10-10T14:14:45.344-07:002011-10-10T14:14:45.344-07:00This is the last line of Chapter 1 of my long cont...This is the last line of Chapter 1 of my long contemporary historical (1959-74) women's fiction. It's about the growing-up and eventual happy ending of a little girl who could've been the one who inspired the famous Four Seasons' song "Rag Doll." Five-year-old Adicia and four of her five sisters are coming home after an uptown shopping trip for back to school supplies. Sarah is their surrogate mother, an exploited live-in nanny and servant whom their parents pay barely anything.<br /><br />Adicia watches the subway pulling into the station with apprehension. Even if the people back in her home neighborhood won’t laugh at her for being poor, she hates to leave the nice part of the city, where she isn’t surrounded by old, run-down buildings and people who have lost hope of moving up in life. When she takes a seat with Sarah and her sisters, she feels the Upper West Side disappearing behind her and the run-down Lower East Side coming back. If only she could be as confident as Ernestine that this life isn’t going to be forever and that when they’re older, they’ll be able to leave this far behind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-49163353532800612522011-10-10T13:41:46.134-07:002011-10-10T13:41:46.134-07:00I'll give it a shot. YA fantasy: Taniya works ...I'll give it a shot. YA fantasy: Taniya works in the royal stables where her stepfather Daret is the master. Her mother is ill, so Taniya rides her mother's horse in the annual festival parade. Throughout the parade and festival, she is torn between worrying over her mother, drooling over the handsome prince, Kanar, and dreaming of one day being one of the King's mounted warriors.<br /><br />Last line of chapter one:<br />As Taniya made her way back to the pavilion that had been set up for the horses, Daret’s groom came running toward her. “Taniya!” he cried. “Come quick. A messenger came for you and Daret. Your mother is worse, and she needs you!”<br /><br />Allison Duke<br />Follow me on Twitter - @PinkDreamInkAlliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02140834986347821181noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-39971545444497348542011-10-10T13:16:24.955-07:002011-10-10T13:16:24.955-07:00Ok, this is the last line of the first chapter of ...Ok, this is the last line of the first chapter of a book I've been struggling with one and off for 18 months, while finishing 3 other books.<br /><br />It's 1888, Emelia has left her family home in Maui to start a bakery on the Big Island in the cowtown of Waimea. The first man she meets has charmed the socks off of her. (but it's complicated...)<br /><br />last line of Chapter 1:<br />"Emelia had never thought she would be married. That a man would really choose to spend his life with her. There were so many other beautiful, exciting, exotic women in Hawaii. Felipe was all she could have asked for, and more than she ever expected."<br /><br />last line of Chapter 2:<br />"He didn’t trust Felipe to make Emelia happy. He didn’t trust himself around Emelia either. He had not spoken a word to her, and he was afraid that if he stared into her eyes and saw her sweet smile unfold for him alone, he’d throw her over his shoulder and run as far and as fast as he could, claiming what should be his.<br />There was only one thing Mateo could honorably do. Make himself scarce."<br /><br />Still needs work...and another 20,000 words.<br /><br />Elaine Lowe<br />www.elainelowenovels.comElaine Lowehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03175127459100965724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-74771268752363598862011-10-09T18:10:07.395-07:002011-10-09T18:10:07.395-07:00Okay, everyone... we need some daring person to pu...Okay, everyone... we need some daring person to put up their last lines.Karlene Petitthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17910702587514001827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-69725043080140615522011-10-08T14:57:03.045-07:002011-10-08T14:57:03.045-07:00Ha, I was through tons of edits and a couple beta ...Ha, I was through tons of edits and a couple beta readers before it occurred to me that my mc went to sleep at the end of most of the chapters (including the first 3 in a row!). GAH!!<br />ericaerica and christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13074820593371226159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-79941917238833178692011-10-08T14:31:01.253-07:002011-10-08T14:31:01.253-07:00I agree! I'm looking forward to reading the e...I agree! I'm looking forward to reading the entries of those lucky enough to be chosen.Dora Deehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05053336278338283781noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-51435569968237440762011-10-08T09:11:07.239-07:002011-10-08T09:11:07.239-07:00This sounds like fun, I can hardly wait to read ev...This sounds like fun, I can hardly wait to read everyone's last lines in their chapters!Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05130733681254163610noreply@blogger.com