tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post4270381400312861459..comments2024-03-12T05:11:42.096-07:00Comments on Write of Passage: First Paragraph CritiquesLinda Grayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00464543671077860561noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-12205586146475951232011-09-11T16:43:51.243-07:002011-09-11T16:43:51.243-07:00Deniz, so glad to meet you! I just dropped by your...Deniz, so glad to meet you! I just dropped by your blog and it looks great. This Campaign is excellent for finding great people and their blogs.Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-91289951918703072432011-09-11T13:04:31.713-07:002011-09-11T13:04:31.713-07:00Wow, I'm sorry I missed this. You guys look li...Wow, I'm sorry I missed this. You guys look like you're doing great stuff on this blog. Nice to meet you through the campaign!Deniz Bevanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17134553551048836979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-45250832352211095102011-09-08T16:30:41.909-07:002011-09-08T16:30:41.909-07:00Hi, Myne, so happy to meet you! And thank you for ...Hi, Myne, so happy to meet you! And thank you for sending the great entry to the first paragraph critique.Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-26379159947984351152011-09-08T12:56:05.591-07:002011-09-08T12:56:05.591-07:00We're together in the Adult fiction group. I&#...We're together in the Adult fiction group. I'll also love to take part in the first paragraph critiques. <br /><br />My book is a romance where a 30years old lady vacationing in Nigeria from the US is seduced by the local hottie.<br /><br /><br />“Dunni, when are we going to come and cook for your wedding?” In the dull light of dawn, Dunni glanced at the inquisitive eyes of the woman slicing onions beside her mother and looked away.Mynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07595087387069634003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-41580459554558987982011-09-07T16:25:27.510-07:002011-09-07T16:25:27.510-07:00Lorelei, thanks so much for the entry! Personally....Lorelei, thanks so much for the entry! Personally. I love one-sentence paragraphs.Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-22019234790208835702011-09-07T16:22:25.733-07:002011-09-07T16:22:25.733-07:00Thank you, Lin! Ah, nerves, the writer's perpe...Thank you, Lin! Ah, nerves, the writer's perpetual enemy. Don't be nervous. This is meant to be a chance to get valuable feedback in a safe environment! I'm interested already.Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-165478330723872522011-09-07T16:18:30.470-07:002011-09-07T16:18:30.470-07:00Absolutely, Christy. You did it right! I'll be...Absolutely, Christy. You did it right! I'll be sloshing the entries through Random.org this weekend (don't worry, I won't let them merge) to select the paragraphs for critique.Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-75340861102531282332011-09-07T15:03:16.421-07:002011-09-07T15:03:16.421-07:00Hi, guys. You know I've followed your blog for...Hi, guys. You know I've followed your blog for a while, along with Heather. <br /><br />Anyway, oddly enough this first paragaraph is actually a sentence, and, like you say, you're too close to your work. I don't know if it's a strong enough opening.<br /><br />This is fom my 4th book, "Crechendo", which I'm still working on; Urban Fantasy. <br /><br />It is Thanksgiving, and Grandma Rose is Sabrina Strong's paternal grandmother. Constance is Sabrina's sister-in-law, where this takes place.<br /><br />"You're cooking the gravy too hard!" Grandma Rose grumbled as she peered over Constance's shoulder.Lorelei Bellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03294047277447613989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-71363447304079087032011-09-07T13:18:44.049-07:002011-09-07T13:18:44.049-07:00Hi. Okay. I'm a little nervous about this stor...Hi. Okay. I'm a little nervous about this story, which is a YA medieval fantasy. I follow the perspectives of three characters, one of whom will later be accused of witchcraft. Here goes the first paragraph. (I hope it makes sense.)<br /><br />From the cottage doorway, she looked like a doll left on the bed: small and fragile. Even the hill of the child she carried seemed dwarfed by the faded patchwork quilt.LinWashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13041832821260168483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-44357085831689728042011-09-07T11:09:06.383-07:002011-09-07T11:09:06.383-07:00I was supposed to put it in the comments, right? ...I was supposed to put it in the comments, right? If not...oops and I'm blushing. Christyerica and christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13074820593371226159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-57625434662441303372011-09-06T21:08:06.419-07:002011-09-06T21:08:06.419-07:00Thanks, Christy. It's great to have your entry...Thanks, Christy. It's great to have your entry, and I'm already intrigued!Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-90868738348531768472011-09-06T19:40:23.802-07:002011-09-06T19:40:23.802-07:00Christy's Entry: Fixing Shelby is a YA Contem...Christy's Entry: Fixing Shelby is a YA Contemporary novel about a girl with mean friends, an annoying locker neighbor, a critical mother, and the will to find happiness despite all of them.<br /><br />First para:<br /><br />“Seriously, Shelby Honey, you could put on a little more make-up. You look pale.” Mom held the steering wheel with one hand and grabbed her purse with the other. She plopped the large leather bag on my lap. “I know I have several shades of blush in there. Help yourself.”erica and christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13074820593371226159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-63145742660641135852011-09-06T05:58:35.167-07:002011-09-06T05:58:35.167-07:00Great, Jan, I hope you'll send it. I'm slo...Great, Jan, I hope you'll send it. I'm slowly making my way around the Campaign group, too. So nice to meet you!Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-65839883781571864592011-09-06T05:50:29.688-07:002011-09-06T05:50:29.688-07:00Hi Linda - I'm in your Campaign group - or one...Hi Linda - I'm in your Campaign group - or one of them - just feeling my way around - my life seems one endless revision right now but hope to make it to all my group. The 1st paragraph crit sounds great - mine is in limbo right now but who knows what this week will bring.Jan Morrisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01771180344305042855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-7898796114948263402011-09-05T20:09:10.591-07:002011-09-05T20:09:10.591-07:00Karlene, how'd I get past that comment? Thank ...Karlene, how'd I get past that comment? Thank you so much for tweeting! Love Campaigners, and I even think I've come to love Twitter!Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-7092179806860554492011-09-05T20:06:45.912-07:002011-09-05T20:06:45.912-07:00Thanks so much, Karen. I know we'll get some g...Thanks so much, Karen. I know we'll get some great ones. There are so many wonderful writers out there.Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-86622131792201541392011-09-05T20:05:48.336-07:002011-09-05T20:05:48.336-07:00Jacqui/Worddreams, so nice to meet you! Which Camp...Jacqui/Worddreams, so nice to meet you! Which Campaigner group/genre are you in?Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-58777624123105624912011-09-05T20:03:45.779-07:002011-09-05T20:03:45.779-07:00Yay, Christy! So glad to 'see' you again, ...Yay, Christy! So glad to 'see' you again, and so glad you're going to share some of your great work with us!Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-91669313698829954632011-09-05T20:02:33.169-07:002011-09-05T20:02:33.169-07:00Lynda, thanks so much for stopping by. I'm so ...Lynda, thanks so much for stopping by. I'm so impressed with the Campaign. What a great way to meet wonderful blogging peeps.Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-80907282731304093652011-09-05T20:00:13.687-07:002011-09-05T20:00:13.687-07:00Lydia, you should definitely put your stuff up--yo...Lydia, you should definitely put your stuff up--you can do it anonymously. Oops, I meant to say that in the post. Think I'll go fix it. Thanks so much for tweeting.Linda Grayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001433214194860481noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-88530866145888799212011-09-05T19:28:35.302-07:002011-09-05T19:28:35.302-07:00Looking forward to seeing the paragraphs. I really...Looking forward to seeing the paragraphs. I really enjoyed the first sentences. You ladies did a really great job! :)Karen Stronghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08697785820907711723noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-38168859505452936972011-09-05T18:51:04.580-07:002011-09-05T18:51:04.580-07:00What a commitment on your part. Love the energy. J...What a commitment on your part. Love the energy. Just wanted to stop by and introduce myself as a fellow thriller Campaigner. Look forward to reading more of your blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-49310914166581655052011-09-05T17:06:38.662-07:002011-09-05T17:06:38.662-07:00Love this! Yours is one of my fave blogs. You...Love this! Yours is one of my fave blogs. You'd never know it since I haven't been around in forever, but I'm back! And will be around more often now! Woot! I'm (We're) Campaigners again too! Okay, I'm in for this crit thing. I'll be back with my entry! Thanks!!! Christyerica and christyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13074820593371226159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-40917477920314805542011-09-05T16:57:48.970-07:002011-09-05T16:57:48.970-07:00Thanks Linda! Yeah for campaigners! I'm off to...Thanks Linda! Yeah for campaigners! I'm off to Tweet your post!Karlene Petitthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17910702587514001827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-377741836634273944.post-15836113303014628692011-09-05T16:17:13.228-07:002011-09-05T16:17:13.228-07:00I've been really enjoying the campaign and hav...I've been really enjoying the campaign and have met so many fabulous writers and bloggers.Lynda R Young as Elle Cardyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09975442291393246148noreply@blogger.com